"A Day That Shall Forever Live In Infamy......"

Have you ever waken-up on the morning of some great event, say a graduation, and thought, "Man life just can't get any better"? For the most part that statement could be true, but what you did not take into consideration is the likelihood that life could get much worse.

It all started when I received a hood that I was to wear for my graduation ceremony. I pulled it out of its plastic wrapping and gazed at it in wonder. "How in the world was I to wear this?"

Luckily it came with a set of instructions, but upon trying to decipher the dead language in which the instructions were written I ended up wrapping it around my head and almost suffocated. So I thought,"What I need is a hood expert."

I called around and finally found a woman who claimed to know everything about graduation caps and gowns. What she didn't know was how to keep an appointment.
I am not questioning her intellect and charm, but I am questioning her ability to tell time, and keep promises.

Her name will remain anonymous, but she is named after a city in the Bible. (It's not Jerusalem or Texas.)

As the morning hours ticked by and the time of my graduation neared, I knew in my heart that she would not let me down, and would make a heroic appearance and save me from the hood. But my trust, as has happened often, was misplaced and then tragedy struck.




As you can see from the pictures I was stopped by the campus police and frisked for weapons. It seems that the "probable cause" for detaining me was that I was wearing the hood in the wrong way.




I tried to explain that I was from China and couldn't understand the hood instructions, but they laughed and said "We're going to give you a Rodney King Style beating." I thought to myself, "I guess my day can get worse. I, a Chinese, come to America and study really hard only to get beaten like a African-American by two white police."




I was then detained for questioning at a local holding cell and after various methods of torture, including tickling my feet with a feather, I confessed that they were morons, I was innocent, and women should not be trusted. The policemen agreed with me about the women thing, said we had a lot in common and let me go.

I then proceeded to the graduation where I almost died from boredom. However, despite the various attempts to ruin my life, I now sit at my computer laughing and drinking a Pina Colada. ARRRGGHHHH!!!! So as I close remember the words of Confucius, "Concerning Women, avoid them at all cost."